March Madness: All the Little Things

Even the tiny things can reveal SOOO much.

The tiniest things reveal nuances about your character. These nuances make your character unique. These are the small things that your readers may never, ever in a million years realize you're doing. The simple way your character swears in their head or out loud. Do they say "God" in situations of stress or brilliance? Are they saying it because they were raised in a religious household and their first reaction is to begin praying? Or, the other end of the spectrum, they use "Oh God" as a blasphemous swear because they weren't raised in a religious household? Or does your character use it because she's a teen and that's what teens do (in which case, she's crossing dangerous territory into normal rather than being "normal")? Or are you being a lazy writer and didn't realize that you use it as a filler, empty calories, wasted space that could otherwise be put to great use?

For example, consider the below passage:

The boy before her was the most beautiful hunk of man meat she'd ever lay eyes on. My God, she thought, as her eyes traced his broad shoulders, and settled on those heavy brows over intelligent green eyes.

Ignore the man meat--if you can--and the ridiculousness of this passage (felt like writing a bit of romance rather than YA like I normally do for examples. Go with it). Okay, we get that she's a lusty woman and the "Oh God" is as much a physical response as her brain stuttering. But consider:

The boy before her was the most beautiful hunk of man meat she'd ever lay eyes on. Good Cosmo Lords, please save my loins from what I might do. Her eyes traced his broad shoulders, and settled on those heavy brows over intelligent green eyes.

And immediately, you know who the woman is, and that she's not just a silent observer--she's a woman of action and Christian Gods have absolutely no place in her life. Or bedroom.

Language shapes your characters, setting, world, absolutely everything about your writing. Consider John Green, any of his works. You won't find a single misused word. Any swear words are carefully thought out and, in the case of An Abundance of Katharines, use Frack instead of F*ck. Because they're nerds and it's awesome.

You notice that I'm talking contemporary novels rather than SciFi, Fantasy, etc. That's because I didn't want to get hung up on the intense world building that goes into those genres. But it needs to be stated. Loudly. Your special worlds need special vocab. It can be simple as substituting a swear like "Oh God" for "Oh Gods" or "Oh Goddesses" or getting really specific and going for "Good Leopold and all names of good that spring forth from your fingers", Leopold being a king or god or creator of the universe. Or heck, an artist the main character admires greatly.

I don't think The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson gets enough attention, so I'll direct your attention to a single character who really is rather minor. But memorable. Each time he mentions the King, whom the band of rebels on the fringes of the kingdom are ultimately protecting against invaders without his knowledge, he references great deeds, offspring, and usually compliments his loins. He includes it in his speech as easily as breathing, as a substitute for "In the name of King George" sort of thing. (I apologize, I cannot remember the character's name--my copy is lent out at the moment.)

Which gets us into characters. If your main character is a good Catholic girl, she probably isn't going to swear. Maybe she'll say a quick prayer or involuntarily reach for her rosary or cross her heart. Your love interest is a badass biker boy who uses creative swears because he grew up with a senile grandfather who never had an end of them (most are about fifty years out of date as well). The best friend character often switches to chat speak so she can say more in a shorter period of time. The brother character speaks in short, slow, to the point statements because he is a man of few words (cliche of course, but all us girls have a soft spot for the caveman).

I'm mainly talking about swearing, aren't I? It's one of the most telling aspects of voice and dialogue. But it extends, as I briefly touched on with the best friend characters in the example above, to speech, mannerisms, how a character processes information before doing something with it.

My advice, as always, is to read and pick apart a successful novel, or one that you admire. Watch movies even (not all, of course, they're not all equally successful in this). Star Wars you have people who believe in the force using "May the force be with you" (and that great scene in A New Hope when Han tells it to Luke for the first time, imparting so much respect into that simple line) and Yoda of course with his awesome speech patterns, and so many little things like Leia telling Han she'd rather kiss a Wookie (as opposed to a dog or pig on Earth).

And pay attention to your own characters. What do they do in times of stress? What do they do during their Eureka moments? How do you, the narrator (whether in first or third person) convey that to us, the reader? Is there anything you can do to be more successful?

The danger is, if you continue to use your stalk phrases (as original as stock photos), your work is going to be passed over as a pale imitation of greater genius. In contemporary, your characters will come off unoriginal and bland. In SciFi and Fantasy, I won't believe your world building, and even question if your setting is in fact another world, rather than dystopian or a weak version of Earth's medieval era.

Remember, it's the little things that count.

The key word is "little things." Don't overuse them. Don't make them blatantly obvious. Weave these things into your story so well that the reader won't know what's happening until they get to the last page and scream "Merlin's pants!"

Happy writing!

March Madness: Chapter Titles

This post applies mainly to YA and Adult. Not middle grade, chapter books, nonfiction, etc.

Confession. I hate chapter titles. I think it comes from when I was younger, reading chapter books, I could predict what was going to happen in the chapter based on the title and picture. Honestly, snotty child that I was, I felt like they were insulting my intelligence. So, to this day, I tend to ignore everything about chapter headings--chapter number, quotes, title, POV shift (part of the reason I have issues reading POV shifts). I've only allowed one of my clients to retain chapter titles, and that's because they're awesome, relevant, and give nothing away about the plot (that I can tell, maybe there's a whole other layer I don't get--I'm okay with that).

Because I feel like being cheeky

Here's another thing about chapter titles. When reading, I get so totally absorbed into a story that I completely forget that I'm even holding a book. So chapter titles, and anything that draws me out of the story, is super annoying.

Of course, there is always a time and a place.

POV shifts, especially first person POV shifts, do need a designation. However, make sure the voice helps the reader shift. If your two characters sound exactly alike, there's a bigger problem going on.

Part 1, part 2, part 3 with titles while chapter titles just have numbers. When this is done well, and the Part titles are clever, relevant, and make me go, o okay I get it, I'll go with it.

If you do have chapter headings, or even just the chapter numbers, do not make them fancy in your ms. There is a chance it'll get lost in translation. Set them either to the left or center, same font as the text, bold or italics if you must.

And that's my very personal opinion on the subject. It is, as many things in this business are, subjective. Some other may have differing opinions to mine, or even no preference at all. If you want to keep your chapter titles, be my guest. I will not discriminate when considering your ms. If I sign you, I will, in all likelihood, make you scrap them.

Happy writing!

March Madness: It's not me, it's you

As heard in conversation between Query and MS:

MS: It's not you, it's me.
Q: I thought we were doing so well together, I complement your themes perfectly!
MS:  You do, it's just that I'm missing something in my plot.
Q: I'm flexible. I'll change. Anything you need, I'll reflect your brilliance.
MS: I need to find myself. I need to fill the holes, complete my characters before I'm worthy of you.
Q: What will I do without you? I can't function without you! I have no purpose but to tell everyone about you!
MS: I'll be back, and when I am, you and I will be better for it. I promise, I'm doing this for you.

Some queries get rejected, not because they're poorly written--on the contrary, they can be the best representation of your ms possible--but because something is lacking in your characters or plot. For all I know, your query may not be representing your ms to the best of its abilities and the ms itself is golden, perfect. But I--and many agents--tend to take the pessimistic view and assume your ms is probably lacking the same elements as your query.


Often at conferences, I'll ask a writer to describe the main character. They will then proceed to tell me what happens to them in the plot. No, no, no. I asked about the character. Who is your character? Why should we care? What makes them tick? What will draw readers to them?

For example, try describing your best friend. Would you start by telling me about how, in the ninth grade, she went on this epic journey across the state to meet her biological father? That's a really cool story, one I'd like to hear from her if I ever meet her. Or would you tell me, a perfect stranger, about her bubbly personality and perseverance even when things seem bleak? Does she dress as a goth but always accessorizes with pink because of a girly streak she's proud of? Does she have this super quirky habit of writing people's names on her arm in sharpie when she meets them so she can remember their name better because she has a poor short term memory and she's determined to improve?

Now that's a character worth reading. And writing.

And when I read a query that begins, "Jessica was a normal teenage girl until the new kid at school starts paying attention to her and before she knows it, she's sucked into a werewolf clan," my eyes glaze over and my right pinkie toe starts to twitch.

Honestly, I don't want to read about a normal teenage girl. I want to read about an extraordinary character who experiences extraordinary things. In fiction, normal does not exist. Every character needs quirks, issues, a past to overcome. Think Sarah Dessen, Jennifer Echols. No vampires. No werewolves. Contemporary. And, arguably, "normal" characters. And, arguably, rather "normal" lives and events. But something about the "normal" girl and the "normal" events is off--something sets off a chain reaction, rippling not only to the plot, but to her personality and emotions. Suddenly, the tiny little things we knew about her--a fissure in a parental relationship, an OCD tendency, a drug habit--is magnified tenfold as she clings to anything she can while the plot ravages her life.

(I'm not knocking paranormal--you all know me, I love me some vampires. But I feel like talking about contemporary today. All of this can, and should, be applied to all genres.)

Let's have some fun.

"Jessica, a normal teenage girl" suddenly becomes "Jessica, a girl who obsessively buries herself in her garage band and mastering guitar riffs rather than deal with the reality of her mother's death and her father's drinking."

And the new kid at school? Let's give him a makeover too. Turn him into the boy next door, Chris. Chris and Jessica used to play in the sandbox together, but Chris's perfect family unit made Jessica uneasy as she watched her mother go through round after round of chemo, until she finally drew away from him--and his tone-deafness--completely. Are you tempted to make Chris an A-plus student who will tutor Jessica so her grades will improve so the school and child services don't start asking questions about her home life? Now, where would the fun in that be? As an agent, and a reader, I'm looking for intriguing and unique characters all around. And plot. Yes, plot. So make Chris a football star. No football, you say? Now you're thinking. Okay, hockey (cuz I know as little about hockey as I do football). Chris's own grades are slipping. They may be next door neighbors, but they don't pay attention to each other (and no, Chris has not been holding a candle for Jessica since sixth grade when she started to pull away from him; he's moved on) until they're stuck in study hall together.

"The new boy at school" becomes "an old friend" and the "werewolf clan" becomes "Chris's big Italian family who starts to pay way too much attention to Jessica's problems, and empty refrigerator." The implied "needing to stay away from the werewolves to save her own life" becomes "needing to keep the whole family at a distance to keep them from discovering her father's dark secret, a penchant for too much booze and losing his temper on the only other person in the house--her. But Jessica is beginning to realize that just because her family is falling apart, doesn't mean she can't have one, and losing herself in music has cost her something more important--warmth and friendship. But Chris isn't at all eager to welcome Jessica into his big noisy family or rekindle their old friendship--he wants out of it all." Because he's a werewolf and no one knows it. Just kidding.

Holy crap, see how much more fun that would be to write? And pitch? And read?

So, at a conference, when I ask WHO your character is, be prepared with quirks, maybe a tiny (like, five words) backstory, and her true personality.

Another example? Let's!

<Disclaimer: I honestly hate picking on Twilight, I do. But nearly everyone has read it so it makes for a good bad example. And I am nit-picking, deliberately overlooking the good so I can make a point. I'm not beginning an argument here over the qualities of Twilight, because there is actually a lot of good that can be said. But for today, go with it. And I am getting a little tired (ok, not really) of always talking about Anna and the French Kiss or Lola and the Boy Next Door. They're just too awesome for their own good. But, since they are so awesome, they'll go in the "good good example" category.>

Describe Bella Swan.

...I'm waiting.

She's a decent looking girl who is forced to move in with her father in the rainy Northwest. She's pale, despite having moved from Florida. She's never had a boyfriend. She's independent (wants to get her own job, pay for her own things). Book smart.

Ya. That's all I've got. She's normal. I want "normal."

Describe Twilight's plot.

The mysterious boy at school who has never paid attention to another girl, suddenly starts paying the new girl attention, even though it will endanger her because he's a vampire and can easily kill her, and his enemies will use her to their advantage for their sick games; but he involves her anyways because really he's just a horny teenage boy.

By the way, I'm 98.2% sure I would have rejected that query.

Describe Lola.

She's a budding costume designer and never wears the same outfit twice. Her passion for creativity outweighs any teasing she might get at school. She is so dedicated to the idea of being creative, worldly, and mature that she forgets sometimes that she is still just a teenager--which makes dating an older man hard for others to understand but makes perfect sense to her.

I want her hair

Not only do I want to read about her--I want to be her.

Describe Lola's plot.

When Lola's next door neighbors move back in after two years away, her confidence is severely tested. Her childhood friend, and one time love interest, Cricket is suddenly back in the picture, as wonderful, nice, nerdy, and caring as she remembered. Her parents see this as an opportunity to show Lola how much better it would be to date someone like Cricket, rather than her older musician boyfriend--but her boyfriend doesn't appreciate, or understand, Lola's sudden insecurities, a reminder that she is, in fact, much younger than him. Lola must discover who she truly is under the extravagant makeup, wigs, and costumes.

I'm 99.993% sure I'd have requested that query. And I haven't even mentioned the biological mother or quirky best friends or Lola's monstrous costume project.

So if your query, decently written, isn't getting the hits it should be, you may not have to (only) rework your query. It may be your ms. Same advice applies if you're getting comments on your ms along the lines of "I didn't connect with your characters; the plot didn't pick up fast enough; I liked your characters, but the plot wasn't solid or new."

Happy writing!

Trump Cards

Every person has their quirks.  Agents, me especially, are no exceptions.  So if you think you have something that gives your ms an extra little kick, make sure to include it in your query.  If your character rides around on ostriches and her sole purpose is to rid the world of evil squirrels, you might want to add that in there. 

Here are a few trump cards from published novels and reasons I couldn't not read the books:

• The term "killer unicorn."  Enough said.
• Pairing Abraham Lincoln with Vampires or Jane Austin with Zombies... priceless (don't try this though, Seth Graham Smith is a genius, and I personally won't look at your query if you do it)
• Really depressing endings--usually killing off the main character's love interest--will actually make me really happy.  It does, however, have to be done well.  Really, really well.  But don't kill off your mc, I can't sell it, and that will make me sad.  (Of course, you can't say that in the query, please don't give the ending away.)
• I picked up this book based on the title alone: "Twenty Boy Summer."  And it was a great read.  Analyzing the confusing aspects of today's society's dating methods and boy/girl relationships (especially when someone has died--because that's just morbidly depressing and a great story line) and dealing with grief, gets me all atwitter--I am a single 22 yr old after all, and that is the stuff of life

However, even the littlest thing can turn an agent off.  Here are a few don'ts from me:

• If you compare your ms to Gravity's Rainbow I will not continue reading your query
• If you aspire to write the next Twlight , I will laugh and toss you out a window
• If you read Moby Dick in your spare time because it is "riveting, exciting, and the best novel of all time," I will personally feed you to a killer whale
• The term "love at first sight" might kill me--please don't chance it, my death will forever haunt your writing career

Each agent has her trump cards and turn offs.  You might get lucky by accidentally appealing to them, or might have met them in person and know what they like.  Look for clues on their website or in their agent picture.  Analyze their favorite books.  What do they have in common with your manuscript that will appeal to them?

Happy writing!

A Day in the Life

Great news!  I'm officially an Agent in training now!!!  A lot of my duties are the same, I'm just learning more.

We all know how busy agents can be, especially if they have other things going on: teaching, conferences, editing, training, meetings, life.  So they have us lowly interns/agents-in-training wading through their slush pile to dig up the best stuff.  We use our knowledge as readers to find what will appeal to a large audience of readers, when a query letter shows us that the writer has not bothered to research the publishing process, when a query letter proves that the writing simply won't be good, and what just works.

So an intern is in charge of all of this stuff, the lacky for the busy agent.  I'd like to, however, dispell the notion that we have no lives.  Let me walk you through my typical day.

7:30 wake up, eat breakfast, go for a run, shower, dress.

8:30 sit in front of my computer and read my emails, quickly check the agent's inbox for any emergency got-to-get-to-it-now emails.  Write a blog, catch up on blogs, check out Twitter and Facebook and publishing news.

9:30 (yes the above step takes that long, usually longer) wade through the queries and read partials.

11:00 (if I'm in the mood) write for an hour.  Have lunch.

12:00 read partials and full manuscripts, answer those texts from people that just can't be ignored (I get in trouble if I ignore my best friends too often, even though, technically, I'm at work!)

2:00 (sometimes I switch the schedule depending on urgency of material) work on my long distance learning course in which I learn how to Index.  It's tedious and if I'm not careful this time period turns into a nap.

3:00 read more manuscripts, answer emails, get restless (if it's sunny I tan on the porch with a manuscript)

5:00 eat dinner, dress

6:-midnight work at my "real" job where I actually get paid.  Minimum wage, but I have bills to pay.

And hopefully I can wake up the next morning early enough to get all my stuff done.  I've talked to the other interns, and we are in agreement: if we are not feeling able to focus clearly or are in a sour mood, we will set aside queries and partials until our heads are clear and we can give the attention each submission deserves.  Your beloved babies are in the best of hands, I assure you.

So, if it takes us six weeks to get back to you, it is neither good nor bad news.  It simply means we were busy.  We want to give the best attention to your work.  Of course, sometimes I've replied to writers within the hour.  It simply depends what is eating away at our schedule.

Don't despair, trust in the literary gods above, and happy writing!